Back in November, I made motion picture history by comparing two of the great sports/kids movies of my childhood, Rookie of the Year and Little Big League. The post stirred the most controversy of any I have written, spurring a whopping six e-mails regarding its content. While readers 
loved those movies and enjoyed reminiscing about Henry Rowengartner's menacing fastball, they almost unanimously preferred two other films to the ones I chose for that post. In retrospect, I concede that The Sandlot and The Mighty Ducks are better than ROTY and LBL. It's not even close. In fact, in addition to being the two best kid/sports movies of all time, they may just be the two greatest motion pictures in the history of cinema. So, in the spirit of Ebert, Roepert, and Bill Simmons, let us commence the critical analysis of these two Oscar-worthy films.
But first - again - a recap:
In The Sandlot, young Scottie Smalls moves with his family to California. Shy, dorky, unathletic, and lonely, Smalls is relucantly accepted into a ragtag band of kids who play baseball at a local - wait for it - sandlot. Trouble ensues when Smalls, a baseball neophyte, swipes a Babe Ruth-autographed ball from his stepdad's room and uses it during a game. When Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez hits the ball into a 
neighbor's yard, all hell breaks loose. You see, the yard is owned by a seemingly sinister man whose dog has been known to eat children whole. The team then spends the summer trying to retrieve the ball, while also projectile vomiting and drowning themselves so as to be saved by attractive lifeguards. In the end, Benny engages in an epic showdown with the dog, after which the dog's owner - played brilliantly by James Earl Jones - befriends the boys and gives them a new ball signed by Ruth and his teammates. The boys - and the audience - learn about friendship, personal responsibility, and the benevolent nature of old, blind men.
In The Mighty Ducks, attorney and former NHL prospect Gordon Bombay is convicted of a DUI and sentenced to community service in the form of coaching a ragtag kids hockey team. While at first abrasive, unethical, and universally disliked, Bombay soon earns the team's trust by forcing them to shoot eggs at each other and binding their obese goaltender to a hockey net. Bombay soon turns the 
Ducks into contenders and leads them against his childhood rival, the Hawks. In the end, the Ducks win when Bombay's protege, Charlie Conway (played by a young Pacey Whitter) scores a penalty shot in the same manner that Bombay missed the shot years earlier. Bombay then boinks Charlie's mom (off-screen of course) and then boards a bus to try out for an NHL team. The team - and the audience - learn about friendship, community service, and the competitive advantage gained by quacking like a duck.
In order to compare these movies, I'll use criteria that apply to both and are characteristic of all feel-good, kids-in-sports movies: 1) A rag-tag group of kids, 2) a mentor, in this case Mr. Mertle vs. Gordon Bombay, 3) a token fat kid, 4) the opponents, 5) the MVP, 6) a commitment to onscreen diversity, 7) in-game strategy, 8) eventual success of the players, 9) durability, 10) a final, perhaps unnecessary scene that let's you know that everything is going to be okay.
1) The Teams
The Ducks were a lovable bunch of kids, weren't they? Too bad they're up against the best on-screen 
kid team of all time! Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, Hamilton Porter, and Squints Palledorous are all superior characters, athletes, and people than Charlie Conway, Goldberg the Goalie, and Akerman. Name one awesome thing the Ducks said besides quack. Seriously, go ahead. Can't do it, can you? Now think of the Sandlot. Consider that the following phrases, all in our generation's lexicon, all come from that movie: "You're killing me, Smalls.", "You play ball like a girl!", "For-ev-er" and "L7 Weenie!"among others. These are phrases that people in our generation use in everyday conversation and have ever since this movie hit theaters in 1993. When was the last time you've quacked at someone?
Advantage: The Sandlot
2) A Mentor: Mr. Mertle vs. Gordon Bombay
Mr. Mertle played with Ruth and Gehrig, gives away priceless baseball memorabilia, and owns the coolest dog of all time. Plus, he's played by James Earl Jones! You just can't beat that...unless you're GORDON BOMBAY! I can go on, but I don't think I have to.
By the way, Emilio was never cooler than he was in this movie.
Advantage: Mighty Ducks
3) The Token Fat Kid (TFK): Hamilton Porter vs. Greg Goldberg
As great a character as Goldberg is, there is really no comparison here. The Great Hambino is the single greatest kid/sports movie character of all time. He spoke all the classic lines in this movie, including the immortal "You're killing me, Smalls!" and stole the audience with his verbal fight with the 
varsity team. "You play ball like a girl!" he yelled prior to the game, and during the game he intimidated the other team while saying things like "Your sister's out there in left field. She's naked." Goldberg was merely the TFK in Mighty Ducks, but Ham Porter, in all seriousness, might be the most imitated character of our generation.
Advantage: The Sandlot
4) The Opponents
You have to give the edge to the Hawks here, don't you? First of all, they had names. Second, they had personalities. Third, they had an ultra-competitive coach who brought life to an otherwise cardboard character. Lane Smith, who played "official-looking guy" in My Cousin Vinny, Son in Law, and every other movie ever made, plays a great foil here for Coach Bombay. He plays Coach Reilly so well that he actually makes it possible to absolutely despise the group of ten year old kids he coaches.
The Sandlot squad's opponents basically just roll in out of nowhere to give our team some trouble. They're not particularly intimidating, but they ride bikes and wear cool jackets, so I guess we're supposed to think they're tough. Though the exchange with Ham is classic, they really serve no other purpose in the film.
Advantage: Mighty Ducks
5) The MVP: Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez vs. Fulton Reed
Fulton Reed was like the Jimmy Chitwood of hockey movies. Once convinced to play, he became the unstoppable force behind the Ducks' success. Plus, he was the biggest badass to ever hit the ice - until, of course, D2. Fulton was responsible for beating the crap out of the Hawks and then for leaving the imprint of a puck in a goalie's bare skin - through the guy's glove! You cannot overstate the impact that 
Fulton Reed had on this team. Still, though, didn't it seem like he was about 10 years older than any of the other Ducks? Any time a player on a youth hockey team is shaving, smoking, and paying child support, you know something is amiss.
With all due respect to Fulton, Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez was like the Kelly Leak of our generation. There was no one around him who could even touch him. Benny homered in virtually every at bat, played every position in the field, jumped over a fence, outran the fastest dog in the history of the world, and is the only person in either of these movies who we know reached the big leagues - where he stole home! And oh yeah, he was also a mensch. He single-handedly brought Scottie onto the team, taught him to play ball, and turned the kid's life around. While we're on the subject of Scottie's integration into the team, I always thought it would be funny if Red from Shawshank narrated this part of the movie. "I do believe those first two weeks were the worst for Scottie. I wish I could tell you that Scottie fought the good fight, and the ballplayers let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but the Sandlot is no fairy-tale world."
Plus, at the end, Benny grew a moustache.
Advantage: The Sandlot
6) Commitment to On-screen Diversity
Every kids/sports movie needs diversity. It's a fact. This is a good thing, and it is definitely true. There's a reason that the Burger King Kid's Club featured a black kid, a hispanic kid, an asian girl, and a guy in a wheelchair (named Wheels, wtf?!?). Diversity is good, and expected in the education of kids. The Sandlot and The Mighty Ducks are no different - and the films are better for it.
The Ducks team featured two African American boys, the Hall Brothers, Jesse and Terry, who played well and were key elements of the Ducks' success. The NHL has 18 black players in a league with over 700, a whopping 2.57%. Assuming that there were about 20 kids on the team, the Ducks were 10% 
African American, a far more impressive stat than their professional counterparts. D2, the sequel, would see an even greater inclusion of diversity when producers brought on actor Mike Vitar, better known as Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, to play speedskater Luis Mendoza. Of the two actors who played the Hall brothers, Brandon Quintin Adams, who played Jesse, got a great deal more screentime and was the only one of the two to return for the sequel. Brandon Quintin Adams and Mike Vitar. These names are important to note because...
The Sandlot's only two minority characters are played by Brandon Quintin Adams and Mike Vitar!!! Seriously. Was there a shortage of capable child actors in the early nineties?!? These kids were really good in both roles, but you have to wonder how hard studios were looking for talented kids. When the only two non-white characters in both of the two best sports movies are played by the same two kids, that's more than just a coincidence, isn't it?
Advantage: Push.
7) In-Game Strategy:
Both teams were forced to overcome inferior talent by using mental advantages. The Ducks outsmarted their teammates and out-maneuvered them with brilliant techniques like The Flying V, while Ham Porter tricked the varsity kids into missing pitches by taunting them from behind the plate. Once Ham's quips threw off the varsity kids, the Sandlot guys shelled them and emerged victorious. Still, perhaps no move in all of sports/kids movie history is as celebrated as The Flying V. The Ducks take this one.
Advantage: Mighty Ducks
8) Eventual Success of the Players:
The third Ducks movie never happened, just like Sandlot 2, Rocky 5, and Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow never happened. So, the Ducks series ends in my mind with D2, and the Sandlot stands alone. This being said, every member of the Ducks who returned for the sequel is a gold medal winner in the Junior Olympic Games. That's a pretty bold achievement. Scottie Smalls never did that. Neither did Yeah Yeah. But that's not to say the Sandlot kids didn't achieve success of their own. 
Scottie ended up as the play-by-play man for the Los Angeles Dodgers - a promotion Vin Scully would probably take issue with - and Benny of course went on to be the Dodgers' star player. Ham Porter had a successful pro wrestling career and Squints Palledorous fulfilled his lifelong dream by marrying Wendy Peppercorn. Hell, Timmy and Tommy Timmens invented mini-malls. That's pretty damn impressive. Still, Bertram's descent into the sixties and Yeah Yeah's banishment to military school tell us that not every member of the Sandlot team was successful. Compare that with the fact that nearly every Duck won a gold medal and I think we have to give this one to Emilio's crew.
Advantage: Mighty Ducks
9) Durability
At first it appeared that the Mighty Ducks would be the film to leave a more lasting imprint on American culture. Disney's NHL expansion franchise was named the Mighty Ducks and the film spurred a quick sequel and had tremendous box office success. But while Mighty Ducks is a film that everyone 
from our generation enjoys, the Sandlot has firmly etched itself into our popular culture and into our language. The Anaheim Mighty Ducks dropped the "Mighty" in recent years, no longer wishing to be associated with the film, but phrases like "You're killing me, Smalls" and "FOR-EV-ER" are said daily by people who grew up watching those boys try to get their ball back from Mr. Mertle's yard.
Advantage: The Sandlot
10) A final, perhaps unnecessary scene that let's you know that everything is going to be okay
At the end of the Mighty Ducks, the team bids farewell to Coach Bombay, who boards a bus to go and try out for an NHL team. Bombay has abandoned his high-paying job and his high-risk behavior (drinking, driving, and boinking), and is last seen leaving town to follow his dreams.
The last scene of The Sandlot depicts Scottie calling the play-by-play from a booth in Dodger Stadium while a moustachioed Benny steals home. While Scottie proudly screams "The Jet Stole Home! The Jet Stole Home!" Benny raises a thumbs-up sign toward his friend as the camera pans across the broadcast booth and finds the picture of the team from Scottie's first summer in California.
Neither of these scenes are at all necessary, but provide reassurance to children who want to make sure that Scottie didn't die in a horrific accident or that Coach Bombay didn't waste away in a law office 
(like this one, folks!) while allowing his dreams to slide away. Still, as I sit here, the phrase "The Jet Stole Home!" rings in my ears and basically sums up the indellible impact that baseball has on friendships and that the Sandlot has had on my generation.
Advantage: Sandlot
Sandlot wins, 5-4-1
Oh yeah, the Great Bambino. Of course! I thought you said the Great Bambi.
Posted by: Aaron | April 06, 2008 at 09:34 PM